Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated
There aren’t many good single men in New York City. It seems like that’s what everyone says to us. And when Deanna* moved to the city towards the end of 2021 It was her turn examine if any truth in the claim. Newly single after their boyfriend for 3 years broke up with her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was around this time when a private Facebook community named Is we Dating The Same Guy NYC was announced as a good opportunity to follow. The group featured a thorough prescreen survey and community guidelines which acted as a barrier to entry and was 43,000 members strong. Deanna was intrigued, so she joined.
The community
The group-which was established with the goal of helping women verify whether they were dating the wrong people-was founded in the month of March 2022. Each major US city has one of these groups now, and the rules for all are clear: Anyone is allowed to write anonymously, without doxxing or sharing sensitive information and in no circumstance can screenshots be taken away from the group. There is no harassment, no blame-shifting or hate speech. Never reveal to a man that he’s seen on the list. Following the scandal incident of West Elm Caleb, who was a man with whom numerous women from New York shared negative dating experiences and linked the dots on the internet, it appeared that a lot of women were in the market for a way of seeking out other people who were like him.by link datingfortodaysman website According to one TikTok user wrote about the situation This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
That’s more or less the way this group was at the time Deanna joined. Each time, Are We Dating the Same Guy is a common where women can seek advice on their relationship or advise men whom they’ve had bad dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is this practice that involves sending out other women to tempt them on social media has also become a common practice. It’s easy to go down a rabbit in the midst of screen-shot Hinge profiles, tales of a failed hookup, as well as memes on the challenges of modern-day dating. Some of the most popular posts include photos of a man under his first name, asking what kind of person has matched or been in contact with the person the person in question. Red flag emojis are a common sight on the few but alarming posts warning people of an ex-partner or bad experience, often accompanied with the downward-pointing arrow and the scary phrase See comments for more info.
Online dating has dominated our lives in recent years in recent years, with a recent study finding that about 39 percent of heterosexual couples have met their partners online. Therefore, it is only natural that the romance element that involves social interaction should be modified to fit the current digital age. Instead, of sitting with small groups of acquaintances over a drink or venting with coworkers, we are now seeking the counsel of 433,000 women who have had similar, and sometimes almost identical experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie an additional group member. Not saying that there’sn’t advantages for some women however it was beneficial to me in terms of changing my view of dating. This isn’t a race for women with each other, however it is holding men to a far higher expectation than I was previously.
It’s obvious to me how some of the behaviour that’s encouraged and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy is alarming if it was displayed by potential suitors. Pictures, information about private messages, and screenshots published without the consent of the other party or knowledge are abundant. The public is able to search social media profiles on a daily basis. It’s not difficult for a person to be called hot. While Deanna loves being part of the group, she does have some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she says. But I’m convinced that you’ll get into a situation where you can end up with this echo chamber where men have repeatedly pushed us for so long that we’re going to take it back.
We still live in a patriarchal society
It is an era of patriarchy, and until we’re truly equal this online interaction will result in different effects based on the person’s history. Even so, can an online group like this truly be an active source of empowerment on one side of the coin and reprehensible outrage on the contrary? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? is hyperlocal and inter-personal-only for individuals who reside and date in the city where the group is located in. The women, as well as the men they share their stories with could be your next-door neighbor or coworker, friend, family member, or most last Hinge match. There’s also a depersonalization inherent in operating on the internet, which makes it feel like playing an online game. It’s no stretch to suggest that this is an insult to the dates in both groups, especially when details of private conversations, intimate interactions and even photographs are being shared without their permission or knowledge, and often for the purpose of sheer entertainment.